This was written by my niece to help us understand her feeling about her current situation and how she coped with knowing cancer would in fact take her life one day. Enjoy her words as she would not have wanted anymore tears...
"Can I be Frank with You?"- Written by Chevon Jackson....
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Today at 11:11am
March 3, 2009 - Tuesday
"Can I be Frank with you?"......
Current mood: chipper
"Okay, but can I still be Garth?" I love that movie...
Anyways. I havent blogged in a while. Things get hectic around here, my brain doesnt function on GO all the time, I do crazy things, misplace things, lose money, say weird things.. WOW, its probably funny for those around me, but do I ever feel stupid sometimes.
But let me tell you, I have never been the religous type. but lately I find myself quietly thanking god for each day I wake up. I feel thankful to wake up healthy (well no NEW issues).. I am thankful that my kids and husband wake up and they are healthy. At the end of the day I am thankful that we made it throuh the day and nothing tramatic or life altering happened. I am thankful for every minute I get to spend with ANYONE. Not just my kids and my hubby, but EVERYONE.
I plan on seriously living each day to the fullest. Even though that may consist of not getting dressed or leaving the house, we sit and eat as a family and I try my hardest to listen to Gabe talk to me for hours.. When an opportunity comes up to take the kids someplace that might possibly make a memory, I do it. We went to the circus yesterday, and even though I wanted to scream a little everytime Gabe asked to ride the elephant (which was about 83 times in 20 minutes), and I cringed when Nodin dumped my coach purse 2 times onto the nasty dirty sticky pop spillaged floor.... We made memories. Miingan sat, sickly ( he has sinus issues) for hours waiting to watch the dirtbike riders, and Joaquin has never paid so much attention to anything in his life. And the look on Gabes goofy face riding the elephant (2 times) is priceless....
I refuse to let Cancer take over my life like it has my brain/mind. I cant stop myself from thinking about the what ifs.. and the whens... I secretly drive myself crazy daily, but its brief and I move on. In my heart I know Cancer will kill me, but I refuse to let that be before I am ready. and I will not be ready until I know that I have done all the things I need to do.
Is this blog Frank enough for you?? :)
My point is, live for NOW.. Be thankful for each and everyday, every blessing in those days... Nobody knows what the future holds, so dont wait til "later" to do anything. Do it now.. Take lots of pictures, tell lots of stories... Show someone something that they will always remember. Let your kids sleep on your bedroom floor... Just be thankful, grateful and willing to LIVE LOVE AND LAUGH.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Today
I wrote this last night after my nieces funeral. I have spent the last year plus a little more with her during her journey trying to fight cancer. I went with Chevon & her mother many times and stayed with then in Zion. After coming home I went to sit with her several times a week. I don't know what my life is going to be like without her...
Today
Today
Today I sent someone special to a better place, she is no longer in pain.
She was generous, kind, giving & full this sense of sarcasm that actually cracked me up. But, with this sarcasm came a sense of truth, she had a way of saying something making her point be know with or without hurting your feelings.That was one of my favorite things about her!
I can tell you that she probably was, no actually is the one person I truly felt comfortable enough to tell certain things to, she didn't judge anyone. (but, if she did you knew there was a good reason for it)
My DH will tell you that we are 2 peas in a pod. He found that we were very similar in many ways. To him he said we thought alike and that he said many times it scared him, we'd have our little inside jokes that if you were around you would think we were a little "out there" you know that unspoken kinda thing that 2 can have...
She left us 4 cherished possessions ... her young sons. They were her world. She gave them so much love, never mattered what her house looked like, she always said "who cares, they will only be little once". Now I can tell you she loved things in order but with 4-8+ kids there at any given time who had the energy to take care of them & keep the house" tip top".
She loved watching them grow, giving them many opportunities to taste life. She felt it important to have them get a chance to "experience" things, & they did just that. She made sure they had done many things before she left them.
Parties, she believed that a birthday was a national holiday or it sure seemed like it because when she threw a party it was "A Party" and everyone young and old alike had fun!
She loved to watch reality shows and I actually think that she made her schedule around the ones that she liked the best. She love 3 more than the rest, Sun. night was Amazing Race, Thurs. was Survivor & then there was Big Brother. I must confess that she turned me into a junkie also... Hmmm, never woulda thought that would happen... :)
She also had another addiction one that I also shared with her, well to amend that a little bit there was 2 addictions we shared... Coach purses & Scrapbooking. I got my first coach purse many years ago & not so long after she called me to inform me she had just bought her first of many. We couldn't wait until the new lines came out every year. Then there is scrapbooking, we both agreed that by taking lots of pictures we could preserve memories for years to come, so glad she had that addiction, because of it her young sons will forever remember her on their many vacations that they had taken together. Making a memory was so important to her especially after she found out she was sick... then she took advantage of every single chance to "make a memory" for them to cherish.
I could go on and on forever sharing about this special person it my life. She is, as I have said so many times before , to me she is my hero, she had so much courage and she knew what she was up against but never faltered and continued through her journey without any complaints.
So with all this said...
This is what she would say to me now...
What's wrong... come on no more tears,GEEZ, no more crying....
Live, Love & most of all try to Laugh along the way!!!
I LOVE YOU My SWEET ANGEL...
She was generous, kind, giving & full this sense of sarcasm that actually cracked me up. But, with this sarcasm came a sense of truth, she had a way of saying something making her point be know with or without hurting your feelings.That was one of my favorite things about her!
I can tell you that she probably was, no actually is the one person I truly felt comfortable enough to tell certain things to, she didn't judge anyone. (but, if she did you knew there was a good reason for it)
My DH will tell you that we are 2 peas in a pod. He found that we were very similar in many ways. To him he said we thought alike and that he said many times it scared him, we'd have our little inside jokes that if you were around you would think we were a little "out there" you know that unspoken kinda thing that 2 can have...
She left us 4 cherished possessions ... her young sons. They were her world. She gave them so much love, never mattered what her house looked like, she always said "who cares, they will only be little once". Now I can tell you she loved things in order but with 4-8+ kids there at any given time who had the energy to take care of them & keep the house" tip top".
She loved watching them grow, giving them many opportunities to taste life. She felt it important to have them get a chance to "experience" things, & they did just that. She made sure they had done many things before she left them.
Parties, she believed that a birthday was a national holiday or it sure seemed like it because when she threw a party it was "A Party" and everyone young and old alike had fun!
She loved to watch reality shows and I actually think that she made her schedule around the ones that she liked the best. She love 3 more than the rest, Sun. night was Amazing Race, Thurs. was Survivor & then there was Big Brother. I must confess that she turned me into a junkie also... Hmmm, never woulda thought that would happen... :)
She also had another addiction one that I also shared with her, well to amend that a little bit there was 2 addictions we shared... Coach purses & Scrapbooking. I got my first coach purse many years ago & not so long after she called me to inform me she had just bought her first of many. We couldn't wait until the new lines came out every year. Then there is scrapbooking, we both agreed that by taking lots of pictures we could preserve memories for years to come, so glad she had that addiction, because of it her young sons will forever remember her on their many vacations that they had taken together. Making a memory was so important to her especially after she found out she was sick... then she took advantage of every single chance to "make a memory" for them to cherish.
I could go on and on forever sharing about this special person it my life. She is, as I have said so many times before , to me she is my hero, she had so much courage and she knew what she was up against but never faltered and continued through her journey without any complaints.
So with all this said...
This is what she would say to me now...
What's wrong... come on no more tears,GEEZ, no more crying....
Live, Love & most of all try to Laugh along the way!!!
I LOVE YOU My SWEET ANGEL...
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