Mari's Heart

DH is home n doing very well...

2011-07-09T10:53:00.000-04:00

Got my hubby home on the 4th of July. He has had very little pain and is up n around without many problems. He/we finally were told his tumor is staged at a 3. I know this is not a death sentence but the thing is... is there a cancer rem-net lingering behind waiting to strike again. Yes, I know the Dr.'s will be watching very closely so that if it does pop back out somewhere we can once again be ready to take the appropriate course of action. So I am going to be looking for a 2nd opinion on his chemo that should begin in 4 weeks or so.
Besides this things are not going very well. I can not get Nick to understand that his dad needs uninterrupted sleep and when he comes in at 3 am and is talking n laughing that is not really a very nice thing. Gloria is so mean to me n got loud with me... threw out threats and well, frankly it just wore me out. They make it sound like they do so much n we r not appreciative n we do nothing in return. Gosh, I just don't know what to say anymore. things r pretty bad here right now n I don't really know what to say or do anymore. if I could walk away from it I would... I really feel like I can do nothing right at all... there are other issues besides the noise but I try to just ignore it... but as anyone knows it builds up.
Josh, is even harsh towards me. I think they think I am in their way n I create drama in their life so I guess the answer is to keep quiet , stay out of site n do whatever my hubby needs n not get in their way when they r here... i am so sad that they feel so strongly towards me... I have tried to be a good parent but I guess they see it otherwise. I think when it is a better time I need to change things... maybe they will notice but I bet they won't even notice at all. These things are heavy on my mind and it is so hard...
Well enough about me n my problems... just needed to vent a little... it is going to be a bad day... i can feel it already........ :(

Surgery is fast approaching...

2011-06-27T11:37:00.000-04:00

As I sit here I am pressed for the thoughts that are in my head... My DH is havin the tumor removed on Wed,the 29th. I know it is going to be a long day for him, I know he is going to go through so much and I am so afraid... I know in my heart that he is going to be fine afterwards but for so reason I just can't let myself relax, it seems that I have this little reservation that is holding me back. I know I am going to have many there to support him, I am not so sure about me... there some that believe nothing I say... if I say what a gorgeous day it might be they would tell me they think it is going to rain... so I am a little on edge knowing those will be there, but it is for him and I just need to focus on him... I know that I can do this. I care so deeply about this man I married 31 years ago that anything thrown my way will be ok, I know that "U" are there with me & somehow it will all work out. I can't even imagine my life without my DH... we have been together more than 1/2 of my life and since 2009 we have both been retired and we are together every single day... not often are we apart, so not havin him is NOT an option. We have had to work to keep things together... everyday is a new day so we try not to ever go to bed upset at each other... sometimes it is hard but we try to work it out before the day is over, because there are no guarantees that you can have another day to work it out. At the end of the day was it really that bad to allow you to get so upset... probably not...I guess where I was trying to go with all this is enjoy everyday, make as many memories as you can and never take advantage those that you love!! I remember thinking along time ago i didn't have anything to worry about because "he isn't going anywhere..." well, how naive I was to that way... goodness was I living in a bubble or what. Now I see the importance of always saying "I Love You " often... be appreciative of what others do for you and don't take for granted that you will have another chance...
I have lost people that were special to me, I didn't think it was ever going to happen to me... well it did! So, everyday I tell myself to be the best that I can...
I have made so many mistakes in my life, I am so far from perfect... I guess I have learned so many things from all of my flubs... I don't actually regret everything but maybe I wish I would have approached a few things a little differently but do I regret them ... no. I have tried to make peace with myself and move forward and be a better person. I know that only I am accountable for the things I do, so if I can live with whatever I decide to do, then I am ok... I give everything to God and I pray that by choosing to follow his words i know everything is going to be ok..
I go side tracked there for a few but bottom line is I Love My DH & I ask for everyone to say a prayer for him as he is going into the next step in his journey. I pray for his pain to be minimal, I pray for the tumor to be removed with out any complications, I pray for his recovery to be fast and smooth, I pray that he can get through the changes and be able to do what is a head of him... I thanks each of you that has already said a prayer, given him a thought...I pray for continued support for him and for the love from God to get us through this difficult time... Love to all...
I will post again after his surgery to let everyone know how things go.(((HUGS)))

I Know It Was U...

2011-06-27T11:01:00.000-04:00

Today as I was working around the house I felt like someone was the with me.
I continued on working, doing my housework, laundry...as I scurried around I continued to feel something... I felt the presence of someone, but I was home alone... I tried to ignore the feeling, but the harder I tried the stronger the feeling. So, I decided to just talk... I talked about all the things that are weighing heavy on my mind. I mean I really talked, cried & talked some more. I was at one point waiting to get an answer to some of what I had said... I really thought I was going to get an answer... I guess I did because I began to feel so much easier, or shall i say less stressed and began to see things more of what they are and about to be. I was as if I were calmed, very hard to describe. I still have many things on my mind but today I talked to U, I think... actually I know that I can get through this that is in front of us ... because... I know it was you.... <3

We went to the Dr.

2011-05-20T12:30:00.000-04:00

Wednesday we went to see the surgeon. After doing the proctoscope he said things were looking pretty good. He still wont commit to anything so I still am not at ease, but I am trying to be positive and push all of the what if's away. I have always een a constant worrier and it has gotten so much worse these days.
So surgery for the Low Anterior and the Illiostomy ( this is like a colostomy bag ) is set for the 29th of June. He will be in the hospital for week or so. About 4 weeks after surgery he will begin the chemotherapy again. And about 3 months or so he will have the illiostomy reversed. The section of colon and rectum that is being removed will go to pathology and the report from the results will be back in 5-6 days after the surgery. At that time we will find out the stage and what we are up against from sure. Part of me wants to know and part of me is like nope, as long as he is doing ok I don't need to know... but anyone that does know me knows that I don't work that way... I need to know everything....
So until the 29th he can do whatever he wants and just forget about everything...
So, that's what I am going to attempt to do...
Love to all <3...

It's getting closer...

2011-05-16T22:41:00.000-04:00

Last night was a very bad night, did alot of crying, alot of feeling sorry for what may or may not happen... Bottom line here is I can not do anything to change anything... as much as I want to i realize all of this is so far out of my hands. I would erase it all if I could but the reality like it or not I can do nothing, nothing at all!!! I know life will change for my hubby, and for me as well, we have been through lots of ups & downs and will probable have many more to come. I wish things were different I wish it with all of my heart, but I can not change a thing...
Anyone that knows me at all knows that I am the type of person that feels like i need all of my ducks in a row and when they r not i am rather freaked out by that.
But I will get through this and so will my DH... We have to!!!
More to come... Thanks for allowing me the vent time... LOVE TO ALL <3

Just feelings...

2011-05-16T00:49:00.000-04:00

Can I speak honestly with you, Hell, I don't even know who you are if there is a you...
I am scared to death... the man I have spent the biggest part of my life with is sick, he has rectal cancer.
Before i start I want to make one thing perfectly clear... This isn't about me but rather about my feelings concerning the circumstances surrounding me...
Ok, I know it is one of the most curable cancers, but it doesn't make any difference to me, as, I am afraid. I have tried to speak candidly with my sons, they don't want to hear what I feel, they tell me to "be optimistic", "I don't want to think about it", or simply just doesn't come around. See, the thing is, I am so afraid...
I know it shoulda been me n not him and i am not saying this in a pathetic way but in a metaphoric way because he is the better of the 2 of us. He has so many that care about him... I have no one but him n the boys and frankly they'd be ok if it were me, but he is so close to them, he does so much for & with them, me I am in their way, it has been said the I am "crazy, nosy,one that was never around and i am sure many other things...
BUT, he is a great man!! I am so lucky he choose me. I ask myself all the time why he would have wanted me... I can't come up with a single reason.
BUT him, he is a great man! He does everything for me... I mean everything. He has provided so many things that I would never have ever had, he takes care me in every way possible. He has made so many sacrifices and I doubt that I have ever sacrificed a thing.
I just don't know what to do to stop thinking about things...
Maybe the guys are right and I am crazy,
BUT I am a scared to pieces crazy wife n mother.
The reason my sons and their families think I am crazy or nosy is simply I care n love each of them more than my own life. I mean that ...
I tried to work hard n give them the work ethic that I thought would be a good example for them to follow and be proud of. Instead, I worked n missed them growing up...I can't turn time back n so I ask them whatcha doin , or where ya goin, not because I really want to know I am just trying to be part of their lives and to them that is nosy... I can't win...
So, I try not to ask anymore... then I feel like I don't care... BUT, I sure do care!!!
My husband has just finished his chemo n radiation a few weeks ago, he is feeling great, he is going to have to have surgery and will have an illiostomy for a few months and that's ok... I don't care as long as I have him, I love him with all of my heart n soul, for richer , for poorer, in sickness & health...
he has always been there for me n now it's my turn to give back what he has done for me... believe me it has been so very much! I would take my last breath if that meant he would be ok...
I know in my heart he is going to be fine, I know this... but the deal is this, he had many tests done & they were all inconclusive for this tumor to be staged, so I can't rest until I know it didn't penetrate the rectal wall or involve the nodes.
When I know it didn't do either of these things then I will be able to breath and plan our future together for the next bazillion years. We have never had a chance to live together without any kids, not ever, we had our first son when we were still at my mothers, we were remodeling our 1st home, from then on we have always had one of our sons here. I love having them, but I am looking so forward to us starting our lives together and growing old together, watching our children and their children grow old...
So, out of all of this I am so afraid... I am really afraid... because the man I love is sick...
Thanks for allowing me to vent for a few moments... Love to all <3

Wanting to do some scrapbooking....

2011-04-17T14:25:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I went to a girls afternoon out. I did a page before leaving to go home to be with my hubby. As I have said he has cancer. He will likely be ok but there is that thought in the back of my mind that things may not end well. I pray that it will and in my heart I am sure he will be. The way I see it he can not escape the cancer, he doesn't get An afternoon away from it so I feel very guilty when I get to "get away" so I rarely leave his side I will be there through it all. I may not like some aspects of it but like it or not I will be right here for him. I said in sickness & in health so those words mean something to me and I will do whatever to honor those few little words. I have been with him for 30+ years and plan on many more. This is just a little hiccup for us to get through.
I do miss scrapbooking but to be honest I really was having a hard time getting into the swing of it. I have so many pages to do to get caught up on but there will be time for that later... be time later I guess... Marisa is young and I should be able to stay close to her events... Lol, at least I hope anyway! I will try to upload my page ... I have been trying to put things upnand have had trouble but I will keep trying. Love to all...

So much has happened in the past few months...

2011-04-05T22:08:00.000-04:00

Since I have been on last so many things have been going on...
Feb. 10th my husband went in for a routine colonoscopy... the Dr. came out after and I expected him to tell me everything was fine and he'd see us next time... well that was not what happened at all. My worst fears came true... he found a TUMOR in the rectum. It's about 10-15 cm up inside the rectum. We were schedule for a battery of diagnostic aids to try to stage the tumor. All were inconclusive... the tumor is situated in such a way they were not able to visualize the wall to see if it had penetrated through that wall. So, he is currently going through chemo & radiation to shrink the size of the tumor so that when the surgeon does the low anterior bowel resection it will be easier to get at it with the size significantly reduced.
Soooo, he is now into the 3rd week of treatment, he has 2 more weeks of chemo and 3 weeks of radiation. After the Surgeon and the chemo/radiation Dr. will decide when the surgery will be done... We are on just a wait n see day by day until the treatments are completed.
I pray every single day that he will be ok and we will be able to move forward and continue on with all of our plans for our future...
But for now.... we wait....

2011-02-14T13:25:00.000-05:00

2011.... Can you believe it...

2011-01-03T10:50:00.000-05:00

Well it is now officially 2011!! What I wonder is where the heck has the time gone. Seems like yesterday I was still in high school & that was back in the "70"s. Then I got married & started my family... that was in the "80"s. Sent my sons off to school watch them grow & become wonderful young men. Now I have a wonderful grand daughter from my oldest. My second son is married, starting his own family doesn't leave time for us. My youngest son is in college & will be graduating next year. Myself & my husband are home together everyday being that he is retired and I can no longer do my job as a surgical tech due to a back injury. We are thinking about going to Florida in the winter months. I find every year it gets harder to deal with the cold weather.
I was ask what my new years resolution was going to be this year... well my answer to that is... I refuse to make one because I never can stick to it. I figure that if I just do the right thing everyday and am accountable for my actions that would be the best resolution for me because I know that is something I can actually stick to.
My shoulder is doing better everyday... had I known how bad this was going to be I wouldn't have done it ... it has been by far the worst thing ever... having a baby was way easier!!! It still aches and is uncomfortable but each day it gets a little easier.
Well enough for today... chat again later...

What I am Thankful For...

2010-11-26T14:37:00.000-05:00

I made it through surgery just fine. I confess it is way worse than I thought it would be! The pain is really testing me. Meaning I have a rather hard time keeping myself from going over the edge. As you can see I am looking a little pathetic in the picture. M son Louie & his wife brought me this adorable little stuffed bear. It really brightened my day!
Now I am at home , I guess I am doing fine but I have to say that the simplest of movements create an awful lot of pain. My DH is doing his best but I feel sorry for him... I am a really bad patient! The healing/recovery is going to long & hard but... I will Survive.
Now on to a better subject... Thanksgiving...
Well for some strange reason I can't get my pictures to load...
Anyway I am thankful for so many things... Family & the strength you get from having strong bonds to get you through anything.
I am thankful to have had an amazig mother that taught me to be the person I am today.
I am thankful for all of us to have our heath and our closeness.
I am thankful for Dort (my sister~in~law) we went to her house for Thanksgiving dinner ... it was perfect!!! she prepared a meal fit for royalty, thanks Dort it was wonderful!!! I will post pictures later... I will chat more later as I need to go and rest... Love to all!!!

1 Day and counting...

2010-11-22T00:55:00.000-05:00

I had my Dr. apt. on Wed. last week with the specialist taking care of my arm/shoulder. Last year in Dec. I fell and injured my arm. I broke it to be honest and in the process I also injured my shoulder. As a result I will be having shoulder reconstruction on Tues. the 23rd of November. I know... 2 days before Thanksgiving, are you crazy? Well here's the skinny. His schedule is pretty booked and I took what they gave me. I would have loved not to have to have any surgery at all! I did physical therapy and had the steroid injection, but sadly I report that it didn't do much for me. I figure it isn't going to really matter when, not much going on anyway. I just want it to feel better!!!
I got into a cleaning frenzy yesterday and moved the furniture in my bedroom(with the help of my DH)... it looks so roomy... I wanted it to be fresh and new since the next little while I will be spending the majority in here.
Tomorrow I am going to finish up a few last min. odds n ends and by then the big day will be here...
I am hoping to be able too do a few posts while I am recovering but I guess it will depend on how well I manage to manouver the keyboard with just 1 hand to type with, so... if I am not here for a while I will be back in a month or so.
Have a Blessed Holiday!!!Mawhhhh!!!

W.I.N.O.S....(Women In Need Of Something) Outing 11-15-10

2010-11-16T13:45:00.000-05:00

Ahhhhhh, I have decided today is a day for pure relaxation... I had a very busy and wonderful day with my 4 BFF'S. We had lunch, followed by a trip to a local winery. We chatted about so many things, laughed and had such a wonderful time!!!We try to get together every month or so to enjoy each others company and catch up on each of our lives. We laugh, and cry together and it feels so good to know we have each other... I love our outings and alway look forward to the next one!!!
Ta-Ta... I am off to my Grand~Daughters Graduation from "D.A.R.E." TTYL Peeps!!!

Sitting here....

2010-11-03T18:30:00.000-04:00

Hmmm, I am sitting here helping my Grand~Daughter do her homework and I have to confess that I don't think I ever had the homework that she does. She is in the fifth grade and she has at least 2+ hrs. every night. I am not sure who it is harder on me or her. I at times feel like a total "tard"... meaning it is way harder than a fifth grader should have!!!

I am about 99.5 % ready for the big GIRLS week end. Every year we go to a hotel for the week end to scrapbook. We go on Friday and are there through Sunday. This year my niece is coming from Florida and she is bringing a few friends with her. I think we are all going to have a marvelous time together!! I will try to post some pics from the week end. FUN FUN.... Talk to everyone soon!!!

Saying Good Bye is never easy...

2010-10-30T23:49:00.001-04:00

Tonight was the last night for a local business after serving the community for more than 88 years. I went for 1 last drink and to see some friends I have not seen in years. It was nice to see them and catch up a little. There was standing room only and I am sure they way past the capacity allowed but no one seemed to care. There was a band and actually it was not to bad.
My Hubby and I stayed for about an hour and we decided to leave and come home.
As I stood there I was remembering all the times I had spent at "The Schutz" it's a local restaurant / bar. Every Fri. night I would go there with my friends after football games. If you could take a walk back through the streets of "The Ridge" it would be priceless... So many great memories have been shared on those streets.
I meet my Hubby at this place of many Fri. nights. After 30 years we are still together and so it was only right for us to go one last time to say our good bye to "The Schutz"
Some things change but it will still be a place of many memories!!!
Good Bye Anschutz Cafe & Bar..... I will never forget the time we shared!!!!!

It's National Breast Cancer "Be Aware" Week

2010-10-29T10:06:00.000-04:00

Breast Cancer Awareness Month is upon us and I thought it was only fitting to post something to help the cause.

For those of you that don't know I am an active advocate of "Relay For Life". Last summer I went to a few of them with my sister~in~law to support her as a 3 time SURVIVOR. She endured Breast Cancer twice and Cervical Cancer. Not only has she battled herself she had to battle along side her daughter, age 30 and the mother of 4 young sons. Sadly I tell you that my niece lost her battle last Dec. So I truly do honor my sister~in~law... to me she is a Hero on so many levels. So I thought it would be nice to share this information with everyone so maybe help just 1 person so that early prevention might just save a life.

1. Know your risk

•Talk to your family to learn about your family health history

•Talk to your provider about your personal risk of breast cancer

2. Get screened

•Ask your doctor which screening tests are right for you if you are at a higher risk

•Have a mammogram every year starting at age 40 if you are at average risk

•Have a clinical breast exam at least every 3 years starting at 20, and every year starting at 40

3. Know what is normal for you

See your health care provider right away if you notice any of these breast changes:

•Lump, hard knot or thickening

•Swelling, warmth, redness or darkening

•Change in the size or shape of the breast

•Dimpling or puckering of the skin

•Itchy, scaly sore or rash on the nipple

•Pulling in of your nipple or other parts of the breast

•Nipple discharge that starts suddenly

•New pain in one spot that doesn’t go away

4. Make healthy lifestyle choices

•Maintain a healthy weight

•Add exercise into your routine

•Limit alcohol intake

(reference: www.komen.org)

Altered Clipboard Using The "Happy Toether" Line By Fancy Pants...

2010-10-28T23:18:00.000-04:00

I love making altered projects. I found this on the "Fancy Pants" site and had to make it. I thought I'd share it as some of you might want to make one also...

Here are the basic instructions to make one for yourself."

Fancy Pants Supplies:
Happy Together: Forever
Happy Together: Strips
Happy Together: Make me Smile
Happy Together: Cheerful
Happy Together: Element Stickers
Happy Together: Journal Book
Happy Together: Buttons & Brads
Happy Together: Ribbons & Trim
Other Supplies: clipboard, digital photo frames, brown ink, brown pen

1. Cover clipboard base with "Cheerful" (cream/brown dot). Trim edges, sand and ink with brown ink.
2. Cut a piece of "Forever" (blue damask) to 8" x 9". Adhere to clipboard about 1 1/4" from the top and centered horizontally. Use a brown pen and a ruler to make faux stitch marks around top and sides (bottom will be covered).
3. Cut out brown zig zag strip from "Strips" paper. Adhere 1/2" from bottom and trim off excess.
4. Add Scalloped border sticker from Elements Stickers to the bottom of brown strip. Add "Moments" page tab sticker to left side of border sticker as shown.
5. Add strip of 3 photos to scalloped edge journal page. Adhere to page as shown. Add heart stickers and large brown brad at top.
6. Add strip of 2 photos to scalloped circle journal page and adhere to page as shown. Add small flower sticker with small blue brad to top of photos. However,I wanted to fit a number of photos on it so I resized them to 2.5" wide and used a digital frame on each one to resemble a negative strip.
7.Mat "Life is Good" sticker onto "Make Me Smile" (Brown side) and cut around. Add to page with pop dots as shown.

8. Finish clipboard with a large brown brad in lower right corner and a bow from ivory ribbon at the top.

What a windy day...

2010-10-27T01:08:00.000-04:00

Gosh, we have had some crazy high winds today... felt like I should be out looking for Toto...
I am so excited... I finally have decided to buy the Cricut Gypsy... for those of you that do not know what it is, well it is just another thing to create beautiful pages. I started out with the smallest Cricut that my niece and I bought together and boy it sure didn't take me long to find that when the Expression came along that I was going to have to have it. I went on to buying the Jukebox and the design studio shortly after the Expression. Then in Sept. Provo Craft came out with the newest version of the Cricut... The Imagine... guess what I had to have that one too. I actually got it for my Birthday. So Happy!!! I have decided to get the Gypsy for convenience sake. I love the versatility of it and yup... it's on it's way to me as I type.
I can't wait to play with it... :)
I am looking for a special cartridge called Pink Journey... it is a cancer awareness one. I want to be able to use it for our booth at the Relay's For Life. I want to do some page kits and sell them at our booth for fundraisers. If anyone knows where I can get one please let me know...

Well it's getting pretty late so I will talk to you later... Love to all...

Here's a chance to winn something amazing!!

2010-10-20T14:23:00.000-04:00

Say what? A giveaway today??!

I am so glad you stopped by the blog today...because today is a {very special day}!

Why you ask?

Because it's Wednesday. And we have an awesome giveaway today!

Do you remember when I gave you this sneak peek?

I asked you to give me your best guess as to what this new product was. Everyone was {hoping} that it was 12x24 stack of adhesive paper....guess what.

You were right!!!

We have changed the packaging a bit but the product is the same. You will get a 36 sheet stack of 12x24 paper...12 sheets solid cardstock, 12 sheets printed cardstock, 12 sheets solid glitter cardstock...and all of it ADHESIVE!!! It will be in your Joanns stores and the retail prices is about $40. Perfect for using in the Cricut & E-clips machines with the mega cutting mats!

Here is my machine with a gorgeous piece of glitter cardstock....ready to cut a cute halloween box.

On the new cartridges, the offer awesome boxes to cut out....but unless you want a teeny tiny box, this is where the 12x24 paper comes in handy.

Even though the cardstock is adhesive, you don't have to peel the backing off! If you leave the back on like I did for this box, it gives you an even heavier piece of cardstock perfect for boxes like these.

Can you believe the Cricut cut out these tiny little spiders....1/2 inch tall! Wow.

Do you want to get your hands on this awesome product RIGHT NOW before it hits the store shelves?

Here is how you can win:

1. Post a comment on this blog post telling me which Halloween candy is your biggest weakness.

(Almond Joys for this blonde :)
2. Become a follower of this blog (leave a separate blog post telling me this)
3. "Subscribe" to our blog (leave a separate blog post telling me this.)

4. Share my giveaway on your blog/social media site

(leave a separate blog post telling me this.)
*Follow our Facebook page too for more giveaway opportunities!

Happy Birthday Momma!!!

2010-10-20T14:03:00.000-04:00

Today is my Momma's Birthday. I wish she were here to celebrate it with her. She passed away Jan. 5, 2003. I miss her so very much. Seems like my life has changed in so many ways since then. I could go on and on but I am starting to heal so I am not going to bring it all up again. I will say tho that it was the most wonderful thing ever having her as my Mom. She never ask for much and she gave way more than she had. I think it was my moms goal to make sure that everyone around her was happy and had what they needed way before she would ask. Actually I don't remember her ever asking for anything. I was truly BLESSED to have had her as my Mom!!!
I am making a special dinner tonight in her honor and then this week end I am going to have my family over and go to the cemetery to visit for a few. I want to take her something and then I will feel better.
Seems like she is still here reminding me of things from time to time... I never had to write things down for later because she was the one that could give me the answers to most anything... actually it was her and my niece Chevon... both have gone from this earth but they are still here in my heart. Although I sure miss them and their wit... Anyway I don't have a lot of time but I wanted to tell my Mom Happy Birthday... Love & Miss you more than words can describe!!! <3

Monday night... Blah...Blah....Blah.....

2010-10-18T23:48:00.000-04:00

Gosh today has been one of those days... nothing seemed to go right. Our puppy had surgery on his face last Thursday and as luck would have it a seroma formed and this morning it exploded... I was letting him out of his night kennel this morning to go outside and he stopped and poof... it sprayed all over... I can only imagine how it must have felt with the pressure built up to make that kind of mess... poor little guy. Anyway, I had to leave him at the vet again tonight... sure hope he gets better now that he's had all this going on.
To make things worse I am having a hard time this year with sinus issues. can't seem to get it to completely clear up. I feel pretty good for a few days and then BAM it comes right back... Why is that????
I decided I want to get a part time job... doing what I have no idea but something. I think there has to be something out there I can do. Just have no idea what that might be... All I know is being a scrub tech... love doing that but my back could never handle doing that again. I think it was the most fulfilling job anyone could ever have... and I was lucky to have done that job for 18 years. It seemed like I had just started when I left. I really miss being involved in some really amazing procedures over the course of those years. Truly amazing!!! I gave up so much for the job but I hope in the long run my family will know that I did it all for them. I wanted them to see that if you wanted to you could do anything in life. I for goodness sake went from being a nearly drop out to an honor student in college. I wanted them to see that if I worked hard they would understand they also could do the same thing and live a comfortable life with their families. I don't know if they see it as I had wanted them to but maybe someday they will.
I have been preparing for an upcoming crop in November. I have been selecting all the things I need for specific pages that I want to work on. I realized that I missed so many things. I pray that my sons understand why I worked so hard... it was all for them. They are my world... my husband is everything to me...I wanted to help him be able to give our sons the things we never had when we were growing up.
Gosh, I can see that this is going to be another night of no sleep. I have the hardest time closing my eyes... so afraid of the dark... seems like I would be over that by now... guess I will be for the rest of my life... LOL me of all people afraid of the dark... I bet there are some that would get a real kick out of that statement...I know I actually do. Until next time... have a great evening...

Fun filled day with Hubby...

2010-10-12T00:21:00.001-04:00

Today I spent a big amount of it with my hubby at Menards & Home Depot looking for a few things to do a few projects. I decided about a month ago to take the wall paper down in the bathroom on the main floor in my house. Needless to say I could not decide what color to pain, what if any wallpaper/border to put up... so I waited. We also have been trying to decide if we want to stay in this wonderful & beautiful home I have & have loved or if we are going to put it up for sale and find a "much" smaller one. Our sons are all out on their own and we really don't need a home this big... but do we want to leave. Big decisions to make, but in the mean time I decided to paint and make a few changes. We have not updated in a few years so I wanted a fresh look. I ended up with paint, a border, a light fixture and a mirror for the bathroom. I bet you are wondering why the mirror... well the one in there had a special meaning & I won't be leaving it. I didn't have a light above it because it was so big, there wasn't room for it, so it is going to be like a total redo for it.
I actually have my eye on a smaller house, but just not sure about all of it just yet.
So with all that said I better get to sleep so I can get up and get busy with the second coat of paint so it will be dry so I can get the mirror up and have my hubby hang the light and then if I can I would like to put the border up. I am guessing it won't be until Wed. for that but I can be hopeful ... right... if I ever get the pic issue resolved I will post pics when it's done. Good night all...

Just a thought...

2010-10-11T00:25:00.000-04:00

I came across a video on a friends blog tonight and it made me think about my life and it's richness. I have been having a very hard time for the past year. Things come and they go but sometimes when they go it is just to much to handle.
I slipped into a "severe" depression for several months. I separated myself from my friends, family and everything that made sense to me. I wanted to be left alone and didn't want to be alone all at the same time. I was so afraid of everything, getting close to someone ... gosh, I was afraid that if I cared to much that I would loose them. I lost my Mother, a few months later my Grand-Father, My Grand-Mother soon after and if that wasn't enough I had to give up my job that I worked so hard to get to where I wanted to be and a job that I very much loved due to a back injury. Then shortly after these things I lost another person dear to my heart. I am getting better but I am still afraid to go to sleep. I am so afraid of the death and I know that in time it has to be easier... and actually it is getting better, I don't think about it as often. I don't leave my house very often. I don't travel much anymore and sometimes it is just so hard to get up and to face the day. But I force myself to do it everyday. I know that God is with me, I can feel his presence but I am so filled with feelings I find hard to explain ... I am not ready to allow him to heal me. I want to but I can't figure out how to get there.
I am married to an incredible man, he is patient, kind, and for the strangest reason has not walked away from me. I don't know if he loves me or if it's just habit that keeps him here but I sure am glad that he is.
I struggle with so many things, funny I have been told that I appear to be one of the strongest people, but if they could only see me from my eyes. I show confidence, strength, determination but actually I don't feel that I have any of these things on board.
I cherish my husbands family but they don't feel the same toward me. I wish they could feel the way I feel... they simply tolerate me. I secretly drive myself over the edge each and every time I am expected to go to a family function because I know they would probably rather I not be there. I guess it isn't what they say it is how they say it that hurts the most. I shouldn't say all of them but the majority do feel this way... I hope that someday it might change. I have only been in this family for just under 30 years so there is still hope... right.
I keep telling myself that be thankful and praise God for every day and every moment because life is so short and after watching the video( I think it was "My New Life") it just confirms that somehow I have to get the strength and courage to face my fears and find my way back to ME.
With all of this said that is my challenge to myself to make baby steps and do something each day that is a step toward being me again...
Until next time... good night all...

So Very Sad...

2010-10-02T00:35:00.000-04:00

We r suckers for dogs. At any given time we have always 5 or more dogs and usually we have a female ready to have puppies. Well, this week is no different than any other time with the exception of this week we had 2 females have pups on the same day ... one had 13 and the other had 6. Out of all that we now have 1 left from the one that had 6 and 6 left from the one that had 13. Never have we had mothers not take care of their pups. they have sat on them, not fed them... I don't know what the heck is going on... We took in these 2 dogs cuz they were not being taken care of and now we have had nothing but issues from them... the one that had 6 & 1 left ended up having a c-section because 1 was so big it got stuck... maybe that's why she is not wanting any part of the mothering thing... Never the less it really sucks when you are trying to keep them alive and they keep dropping like flies....
I think I will not be so kind and take other peoples headaches anymore. I have 2 of my own dogs and I think it is time to just keep my own from now on.... My heart breaks... Just pray that the ones still alive stay alive.......TTYL

Good Morning!!!

2010-10-01T09:27:00.000-04:00

Holy smokes I have been browsing cyber space looking for some ideas for my page kits that I have been working so hard to get put together. I guess there are a bazillion ideas and all I have to do it to weed through and find what I am looking for... Hmmmm, right ..... Anyhow I have found some page maps that I will be using but as for actual pages... not so sure.
I am going to try to get up and use my "Cricut" to get a few things cut so I won't have to lug it around. just not sure... I am getting pretty stoked for the week end to get here. I think there are maybe 4 weeks left.
I also give myself some ideas to chose from when I am doing page kits. These are just prompts that sometimes help me figure out what I might do on some of the pages. Here's my list so far...
(1.) I am a survivor; this page I am going to tell why I am (or someone else) is a survivor /or what make me a survivor.
(2.) Something old/Something new; use a new photo/old photo also use a new tech.and incorporate an old along with it.
(3.) Favorite Room; do a L/O of your favorite room. Explain why its your favorite take a pic.
(4.)Name Acronym; using your first name or initials do a L/O with an acronym that describes yourself.
(5.) Sketch; if you are the type that draws a sketch from time to time to help with a L/O use it on a page.
(6.) Journalistic Photo; use a pic that tells the story for you. don't journal to much just let the pic. do it for you.
(7.)Challenges; find a pic. of something that was a challenge for you and do a L/O of it.
(8.) Reality TV; use the title of the show for your page. ex. Big Brother, Survivor, Am. Idol... have fun with it...
(9.) Inanimate Object; journal from the perspective of that particular object.
(10.) Flowers; use anything except pre-made flowers... stamp some flowers,doodle or anything just don't use any pre-mades.
(11.) All about you. choose topics and do a L/O include a different element on each one.
*design w/paper piercer
*fabric
*repetition(color,accent, shapes...)
*stitching
*doodles
*title on a photo
(12.) Game On; use your favorite board game. use the design of the game,colors, patterns...
(13.) Spring Ahead; do a page about what you think the future will hold.
(14.) Before/After .. before /after baby...before/after college...
(15.) Brad Design; create a design using brads to make a design. ... circle around a shape or picture on L/O.
(16.) using ink, paint or anything RED... on a L/O also try using a tool from a kitchen to do this L/O.
(17.) Roses R red, Violets R Blue, Sugar is Sweet n so r U. Using the word "Sweet" and a pic of urself do a L/O.
(18.) Chipboard; use any pc. of chip board to do this L/O just make sure it is the focal point of the page.
(19.) Current Creation; create a L/O w/something current ... news, TV, music, movie(Twilight)...
(20.) Stamp... create a L/O using stamps...
Well, that is a long list. I do this each time that I get ready for a crop. I do it so that I have ideas for my pages. Now realize this is not written in stone but I like having options that may jog something so that I can have Beautiful pages every time.
Soooooooooo, with this said... I have to get busy...
Talk later Peeps. <3

Page Kits...

2010-09-30T12:56:00.000-04:00

I am starting to think about getting ready for my "Girls Weekend' coming the first week end in Nov. I have started to plan out what I am going to bring and the pics that I will need to get developed.
I went to the Event Board this morning and found that my niece Robin has started a challenge of 30 page kits in 30 days. I am assuming she has something interesting planned for everyday in Oct. to help us get ready for the crop. She always has great thing planned and I am going to take advantage of her planning methods so that I will be prepared for my week end making the most out of every min. to get as many pages done as poss. and to have a FUN and to be very PRODUCTIVE at this crop.
With that said I also have had a very busy few days...
2 of our dogs had their puppies on the same day. Lilly had hers first and then Bella. Lilly lost 7 and 6 survived. Bella lost 3 and 3 survived. Bella ended up having to have a c-section. She had a very large pup that was stuck. She is doing ok but she is pretty sore and doesn't want to get up much. I don't blame her at all... We are feeding the pups to help the mamma's out as they recover.
So I have been a little busy with the dogs but I am getting a little done in between...
I also have been helping my son with some paperwork from his office, trying to help him get caught up with his logs. Now that is a job in itself but I figure all I have is time so I have been trying to help him some.
Well, time to get back to these puppies and then off to my scrapbooking room ... I will post a pic later to show you what my room looks like all put back together. Have a wonderful day everyone!!

"Imagine"

2010-09-29T16:53:00.001-04:00

Ooooo, I was so excited ...I got the newest Cricut to hit the market. The Imagine. I actually couldn't believe it was for me. I had watched the program that was on HSN for the launch of this new marvel. I was drooling over it. I tried to talk my DH into it and he said NO... I was so sad...
:(( but sorta didn't think anymore about it... the next day was my birthday and we all went to diner. My youngest son got me a bead for my Pandora bracelet, a heart that he had "Forever Love engraved on. I love it!!! Then my DH gave me an envelope with was a sheet inside the card. It was the receipt for the Cricut Imagine!!! I can tell you the entire restaurant knew I was super excited...
Well, It finally came and have I ever been having fun trying to figure it out. The options are endless on what you can do to create with this new jewel!!! I think it is new favorite toy. I have the Expression also and I think I will be keeping both of them. For awhile at least. I can't use my design studio until the updates are available but I am loving it more and more every time I use it...
Well, time for diner... gotta go get something made and then off to my scrapbooking room to create more beautiful creations.

Awesome Evening!!!

2010-07-25T08:54:00.000-04:00

Last night I took my sister in law to a cancer charity event in Saginaw. This even was sponsored by Avon. It was at a lovely little cafe. There were different stations set up and you could get a make over, a pedicure, a skin analysis or if you wanted there was blackjack and a few other game for you to try your luck at. They even had a 2011 Camaro for you to try to win.
My sister in law is a 2 time breast cancer survivor. We didn't win the car, but we really are winners we have life, love and we laugh... so in my book we are big winners!
My sister in law has been through so many horrible thing in addition to her having to battle cancer herself she lost 2 sisters, 1 brother... each to cancer and worst of all she lost her daughter this past Dec. to cervical cancer. I was with her throughout the battle to try everything to save her precious life. But as many of you know cancer really doesn't care who you are , how old you are, how much money you have... it just takes....
The thing that I learned and have taken with me is that no mater what never take anything for granted... always expect the unexpected...
I will be attending 2 other cancer events in the next few weeks. The important thing is that we must continue to fight to find a cure for this disease...

Now on to a lighter note... I think I am starting to get my mojo back... I am slowly starting to do some of my crafting.
I did a few pages and surprise I even was satisfied with the way they turned out. I have not really done anything for so long... I just have been in a rut...
I have been trying to post some of my pages but for some strange reason I can't get them to load... I think my internet server is not strong enough... and if that' the case then I am not sure what to do to get them loaded... But I will continue to try...
Well, my dear friends I must get moving... many things to do today... <3 U all...

Good Morning...

2010-07-14T10:36:00.000-04:00

Gosh, I got up at the crack of dawn...
I got up and did a little cleaning and then decided to do a little scrapbooking. I have a few pages stared for my Calender for next year. I surprised myself at how quickly I was able to partly complete 12 pages for it. I have it ready with photo boxes and embellies, now I need to take some pics. I think that I am going to take pictures at the beginning of each month and use them on the pages. I know it is a little different but then I will have completed a page for my scrapbook for that year. Now just to remind myself to do it... (-:
I have a few appointments today and if I get them all done will a miracle...
However I am going to have to miss out on an outing with my friends because I had an unexpected event come up. I will be looking forward to another time!!! I will make them each a gift for next time... then they will forgive me!! sneaky right... (-:
I need to get some pic of some of my pages up on my site, but for some strange reason I am having trouble getting them to load. Well, I need to get moving... TTYL

Life is Good....

2010-07-12T22:19:00.000-04:00

I have not blogged in a really long time... Things have been crazy bad for so long. I think I am getting better, still have a hugh hole in my heart, but I am getting better everyday! It has been 7 months today that our Lord and Savior took her home. I have such wonderful memories and I feel so very honored to have had 30 years to build a wonderful relationship with my niece. She taught me so much about life and I cherish everything she gave to me along the way to keep in my mind and heart!
I am going to be doing more things with my scrapbooking... I at least am going to try. I for sure think it is time to get busy because I am so far behind on Marisa's books!!! Time to get busy!!!!
I am so excited tomorrow I am getting my new phone!!! Evo... here I come!!! I sure hope that I can figure it out... hehehehe... I am a very spoiled girl!!! Love my DH !!!!!!!!!
Well, the rain finally got here today, sure is coming down out there, thank goodness it's not the thunder storm they said we were going to get!! However I do enjoy a good thunderstorm every now and then...
Seems like I just don't understand some ppl's wiring... why do men think they can be mean to women????? I just can't get it!!! My thoughts go out to a friend... she stays so I guess it has no bearings on me.... I worry tho....
I have a very busy day again tomorrow... things are finally picking up, no more staying in my room alone... I am ready to face my challenges and move forward and enjoy my family and cherish them and whatever they do.
I am getting ready to start out a new adventure with my son... very excited to get this up and going... Life is good....
TTYL...

So many changes...

2010-06-02T14:57:00.000-04:00

Wow, 1-1/2 days of school left for this year... Seems like yesterday we were buying school clothes getting prepared for a new school year to begin and here we are ready to close out another year.
My son and his family will be moving from our house into a new home. Now mind you I am very excited for them to begin a new chapter in their lives but on the same hand I will be sad to see them go... What will I do with all of my time. I guess I will need to find some volunteer work to occupy my free time... which there is sure going to be an awful lot of that I am afraid!
I still for some strange reason can't get myself to do any scrapbooking???? I for the life of me can't figure out why...... So very behind and I have lost all interest in doing anything!!!
I am looking forward to a few things this summer, I love going camping and spending time with family... hopefully we will get a chance to do a little more this year.. Well, I am taking Marisa to see Shrek 3D so I better get moving... TTYL...

Easter Already...

2010-04-03T13:57:00.000-04:00

Gosh, can you even believe that Easter is already upon us... I just wonder where does all the time go??? Seems like it was just last week we were all at my Mother~In~Laws at our families Eater gathering. We always have such a nice time getting together!! This year is going to be way different because my mother-in-law is going to be out of town and everyone is going to spend Easter with our own families, however all of mine are not going to be in attendance. My oldest and his family is going to his in-laws for a gathering. So it will be my other son & his wife and my youngest son and his girlfriend. I think it will still be a nice day getting together and sharing memories together, oh and making new memories to share in the future!!! I will miss my Grand~daughter but I see her everyday, so it is only fair to share her with the rest of her family.
I think if the weather stays as it then I will have a BBQ, if not well that will be a different story. I am going to be serving Steak, Beer can Chicken, twice baked potatoes, another veg, undecided, rolls, lemon merange pie, german chocolate surprize, and I think that about covers it. I wish everyone a wonderful Easter Holiday!!!

Things just aren't the same!

2010-03-26T11:50:00.000-04:00

I have been trying like crazy to get back into the swing of scrapbooking. I sit down to start and all of my memories start flooding me... I lost my niece in Dec. and since I am having trouble getting my scrap on! I am sure she is shaking her head saying "what's wrong... why are you crying"... She always was telling me that she didn't want us to spend to much time in the mourning stage... what she didn't realize is that when you loose someone that is that close to you it takes a while... I am getting better...
The other night I sat down at my computer to check out emails and things. I came across an email from a friend asking me if I had checked out a digital scrapbooking site. Needless to say I had not. I actually wasn't even interested in even looking... well as they say curiosity kills the cat... LOL
I decided to peek to see what she was so stoked about... I finished six 2 page L/O's in just about 2-1/2 hours this morning. Now mind you I love my stuff and love the demention of a traditional page but these pages look pretty good. I am wondering what they are going to look like when I get them... I used "Studio J, it's the new digital line that Close To My Heart just launched. I liked the fact that there was many options to choose from and that everything matches. So maybe I will be able to do some hybrid pages and that way I will be able to add a little demention to these flat pages... I don't think I will ever change to just doing digital but it was very fast and VERY easy!!!
I have to get moving... it's a nice day and I want to go out and enjoy it!!!
Talk To You All Later!!!
<3 you all!!!

Getting my craft on!

2010-02-04T09:42:00.000-05:00

Gosh, sure seems like I have been away for so long! Well last night I went into my craft room and spent some time in there playing around with some of the projects that I have been filing away for some time. Anyway, I made 12 mini photo albums and 12 book marks. I am giving them to a lady in the community that puts together a care bag for people with long term illnesses. These bags are such a nice gesture, my niece got one given to her while she was battling cancer. She passed away on Dec. 12th, I know she did so enjoy the things that were in the bag. However I realized that she wanted pictures of her family and didn't have anywhere to put them, so I thought it would be nice to have a little mini album to put them in so she could look at them. Anyway, that's what I did last night. I will post them later today.
Another thing I am going to work on today is a card to give my DH for Valentines Day. I have found a card that I like on splitcoaststampers. It is an easel card. I think it's pretty cool looking. I might even make one for my daughter-in-law for her birthday. Guess I better get busy or I wont get them done. So later today I will be back to post my goodies.
Have a great day everyone!!!!

Just sitting here... hmmmmmm

2010-01-16T21:37:00.000-05:00

As if things couldn't get worse...
I have an injured arm (shhhh, it's broken, I don't want to say it out loud)
I decided it wasn't gonna let it hold me back, so I went to my Zumba class... big mistake!!! About 1/2 way through I felt like my arm & shoulder felt and still does feel like it's gonna explode and fall off! I wouldn't stop because I didn't want to let those young hot bodied young ladies think I couldn't make through... so foolishly I continued and probably injured it more by doing it. But I finished!!! So, for the next several days I sat around and had the heating pad on it... resting...
So. I figured that today I could go to a scrapbooking Event at one of the local churches. I made it about 5 hours, so here I am back with the heating pad resting more...
I am so disappointed because I was hoping to get caught up on some of my pages that I keep putting off. Wrong... now I am thinking it will be there when I can get it done it isn't going anywhere. Well, I am going to take nap and then I am going to get back atcha... Nighty Night...

A month has passed...

2010-01-12T23:08:00.001-05:00

Ya know,
time passes but sometimes your heart stays behind.
A month has passed since the death of my precious niece Chevon.
Seems like just a few hours ago that I sat at your bedside talking to you. Little did I know it would be my last chat with you. I think I told you everything that I could think of that I wanted to say to you. There was no unturned pages.
I told you what you meant to me,
I told you how much I loved you,
I told you that I couldn't imagine life without you,
I told you how I was going to miss you every single day...
I told you so many things.
I value everything we ever did together,
the long talks that we had,
the excitement of waiting for the new Coach purses to come out,
going to get our nails ,mani's, & pedi's together.
I could go on and on about the things I miss.
I feel so honored that you chose me to be one of the ones that you wanted in your life at the end. The months of treatment after your first surgery and your time spent at CTCA and then when you came home. I was so lucky to have been able to show you what you meant to me. There was nothing I wouldn't have done for you...
I didn't want to let you go but I knew that I couldn't be selfish by wanting to keep you here when you were suffering so badly.
I know that you are painfree and happy now and that helps. I was wondering if you could find my Mom and tell her how much I Love Her & Miss Her Each & Every Single Day Also!!!!!
I will be thinking of you both and will talking to again too... Oh, I almost forgot to tell you that I saw your guys on Fri. night last week they are doing ok. Nodin misses lots but I think he's ok. He's a very wise young man, he said to me why are you crying ... you should be happy ... she's not in pain anymore...
I guess what I am really trying to tell you is that the tears are still wet on my cheeks and flow often, (I know you hated all that but I am getting better...) they don't come as often and that I just straight out miss you so much!!!! I Love You Sweetie!!!!

"Can I Be Frank With You?"

2009-12-17T10:00:00.000-05:00

This was written by my niece to help us understand her feeling about her current situation and how she coped with knowing cancer would in fact take her life one day. Enjoy her words as she would not have wanted anymore tears...

"Can I be Frank with You?"- Written by Chevon Jackson....
Share
Today at 11:11am
March 3, 2009 - Tuesday
"Can I be Frank with you?"......
Current mood: chipper
"Okay, but can I still be Garth?" I love that movie...

Anyways. I havent blogged in a while. Things get hectic around here, my brain doesnt function on GO all the time, I do crazy things, misplace things, lose money, say weird things.. WOW, its probably funny for those around me, but do I ever feel stupid sometimes.

But let me tell you, I have never been the religous type. but lately I find myself quietly thanking god for each day I wake up. I feel thankful to wake up healthy (well no NEW issues).. I am thankful that my kids and husband wake up and they are healthy. At the end of the day I am thankful that we made it throuh the day and nothing tramatic or life altering happened. I am thankful for every minute I get to spend with ANYONE. Not just my kids and my hubby, but EVERYONE.

I plan on seriously living each day to the fullest. Even though that may consist of not getting dressed or leaving the house, we sit and eat as a family and I try my hardest to listen to Gabe talk to me for hours.. When an opportunity comes up to take the kids someplace that might possibly make a memory, I do it. We went to the circus yesterday, and even though I wanted to scream a little everytime Gabe asked to ride the elephant (which was about 83 times in 20 minutes), and I cringed when Nodin dumped my coach purse 2 times onto the nasty dirty sticky pop spillaged floor.... We made memories. Miingan sat, sickly ( he has sinus issues) for hours waiting to watch the dirtbike riders, and Joaquin has never paid so much attention to anything in his life. And the look on Gabes goofy face riding the elephant (2 times) is priceless....

I refuse to let Cancer take over my life like it has my brain/mind. I cant stop myself from thinking about the what ifs.. and the whens... I secretly drive myself crazy daily, but its brief and I move on. In my heart I know Cancer will kill me, but I refuse to let that be before I am ready. and I will not be ready until I know that I have done all the things I need to do.

Is this blog Frank enough for you?? :)

My point is, live for NOW.. Be thankful for each and everyday, every blessing in those days... Nobody knows what the future holds, so dont wait til "later" to do anything. Do it now.. Take lots of pictures, tell lots of stories... Show someone something that they will always remember. Let your kids sleep on your bedroom floor... Just be thankful, grateful and willing to LIVE LOVE AND LAUGH.

Today

2009-12-17T09:54:00.000-05:00

I wrote this last night after my nieces funeral. I have spent the last year plus a little more with her during her journey trying to fight cancer. I went with Chevon & her mother many times and stayed with then in Zion. After coming home I went to sit with her several times a week. I don't know what my life is going to be like without her...

Today

Yesterday at 10:47pm

Today I sent someone special to a better place, she is no longer in pain.
She was generous, kind, giving & full this sense of sarcasm that actually cracked me up. But, with this sarcasm came a sense of truth, she had a way of saying something making her point be know with or without hurting your feelings.That was one of my favorite things about her!
I can tell you that she probably was, no actually is the one person I truly felt comfortable enough to tell certain things to, she didn't judge anyone. (but, if she did you knew there was a good reason for it)
My DH will tell you that we are 2 peas in a pod. He found that we were very similar in many ways. To him he said we thought alike and that he said many times it scared him, we'd have our little inside jokes that if you were around you would think we were a little "out there" you know that unspoken kinda thing that 2 can have...
She left us 4 cherished possessions ... her young sons. They were her world. She gave them so much love, never mattered what her house looked like, she always said "who cares, they will only be little once". Now I can tell you she loved things in order but with 4-8+ kids there at any given time who had the energy to take care of them & keep the house" tip top".
She loved watching them grow, giving them many opportunities to taste life. She felt it important to have them get a chance to "experience" things, & they did just that. She made sure they had done many things before she left them.
Parties, she believed that a birthday was a national holiday or it sure seemed like it because when she threw a party it was "A Party" and everyone young and old alike had fun!
She loved to watch reality shows and I actually think that she made her schedule around the ones that she liked the best. She love 3 more than the rest, Sun. night was Amazing Race, Thurs. was Survivor & then there was Big Brother. I must confess that she turned me into a junkie also... Hmmm, never woulda thought that would happen... :)
She also had another addiction one that I also shared with her, well to amend that a little bit there was 2 addictions we shared... Coach purses & Scrapbooking. I got my first coach purse many years ago & not so long after she called me to inform me she had just bought her first of many. We couldn't wait until the new lines came out every year. Then there is scrapbooking, we both agreed that by taking lots of pictures we could preserve memories for years to come, so glad she had that addiction, because of it her young sons will forever remember her on their many vacations that they had taken together. Making a memory was so important to her especially after she found out she was sick... then she took advantage of every single chance to "make a memory" for them to cherish.
I could go on and on forever sharing about this special person it my life. She is, as I have said so many times before , to me she is my hero, she had so much courage and she knew what she was up against but never faltered and continued through her journey without any complaints.
So with all this said...
This is what she would say to me now...
What's wrong... come on no more tears,GEEZ, no more crying....
Live, Love & most of all try to Laugh along the way!!!
I LOVE YOU My SWEET ANGEL...

2009-10-20T18:48:00.000-04:00

Hello everyone... Gosh it has been a very long time since I have posted anything. I have been busy coming & going to Zion where my niece has been. She finally came home last Friday... The first time actually since Aug. 8th. She will be going back again the first part of Nov. to find out if the Radiation & Chemo has worked. The tumor needs to have shrank to the size of a tennis ball before the tumor can be removed. So, please say a prayer for her!!!

I went to a crop this afternoon, had a great time. I worked on a project I am doing to give to a friend. She makes "Totes" for patients diagnosed with cancer. She puts all kinds of goodies in the totes to pass the time of waiting. I decided to make bookmarks & a small photo book to be included along with the totes.

This upcoming week end I am going on a "Girls Week End Out" 12 of us are going to a cottage on a lake to do some serious scrapbooking. I have been looking forward to it for a very long time. I have many things to get finished. I also have some "Christmas" gifts that need to be made. I will post pictures of what I get finished. I will try to post again before I leave... Have a great evening!!!

Back at the C.T.C.A.

2009-09-06T09:57:00.000-04:00

Well, here I am back at the C.T.C.A. in Zion IL. with my niece Chevon. She has been here since Aug. 7th. She has had 4 surgeries since being here. First, she had to have a colostomy done so that she could go the bathroom. The tumor is compressing the rectum so much that she wasn't able to have a normal bowel movement. This has help her greatly but, it has not taken all of the pain away. But it is so much better than it was. Then she had to have stents put into her ureters, this was done to help her, allowing the urine to drain into the bladder, as the tumor is also pressing on the bladder and the right ureter not allowing the urine to drain. This also has created extreme pain for her. After that she had to have urostomy tubes inserted because the tumor was still compressing on the ureters and the urine still couldn't drain this created a critical fluid gain. This has caused her to gain 60+ pounds in just a few weeks. Since having the tubes placed into the kidney the fluid is slowly beginning to come off. The Dr. want her to get up and walk, this is a hard process as she has so much pain that she fights us, WE ALWAYS WIN but it is so hard, knowing she is in so much pain , but I remind myself it is for her to get better, so we keep her going. Her mother is an amazing woman!!! She has been here almost nonstop, She left only for about 30 hrs. (back to Michigan) to get her F.M.L.A. taken care of. Then she was right back to Chevon's side. She is so lucky to have her mother!!!! I have seen the true meaning of what a mother really is, it overwhelms me more that words can describe!!!!! I have been busy getting a Benefit ready. It is going to be on Sept. 13th. The expenses are climbing each day. Her mother is staying in a hotel and it is reasonable but still it costs money. She is off from work and has no income coming in and The Family has decided the best way to help is to put on this "Benefit". I have never done anything like this ever, but I am trying my hardest to help with it. There have been lots of donations so far and hope we get more. The generosity of people is heart warming! I guess there still are good people in this fast paced world we live in... So nice to know them all!!!!!!! Well, with all this said... I am going to get ready and go over to the hospital and visit for awhile. I will update more later.
Have a safe and wonderful Labor Day Weekend!!!!!

2009-08-21T17:32:00.000-04:00

Where does the time go? Seems like it was June and we were preparing for my 2nd sons wedding. Which, by the way went wonderfully! It was a beautiful Sunny day. Everything was perfect! Now here it is the end of Aug. and everyone is busy getting their children ready to go back to school. Myself included. Today I went with my youngest son to register for college classes at a local university. I never realized how much financial aid is avail. to minority kids. Boy, I know what I will be doing for the next few days... going to many sites to fill out the forms to see if he is a candidate for any of them. I also spent the last 12 days with my sister in law and my niece at the Cancer Center of America... my niece has neuroendicrine cervical cancer, squamous cell, small cell cancer. She had a radical hysterectomy done in Nov. of 2008 and went through chemo treatments and after finishing all of that she went back for her 3 month check and they found a very large tumor in her pelvis. She is now being treated at the Cancer Center of America. She has had 2 surgeries since going there and will be starting radiation therapy very soon. So, things have not quieted down at all... very busy trying to help get things done so I can get ready to go back to be with them at the center. Amongst all of this... I have been told I can no longer do my job. For those of you who don't know I have been off work since last April... issues with my back again. Seems like it is an ongoing battle with my back for the last 23 yrs. or so... long story short I won't be going back anytime soon. This sits very heavy on my heart as I so love my job, I have been doing it for the past 15+ years and thought I would be doing it for another 20+ yrs. Now I am going to have to keep myself busy doing things for my family and scrap booking my heart out. Well, my DH is calling me to come down stairs... bet he's hungry... LOL until next time......

Holy Smokes, here does the time go?????

2009-06-10T11:14:00.000-04:00

Well, the Bridal Shower is over and we have 2 weeks until the big day. My 2nd son Luis is getting married as you all know from past posts. I had never given a Bridal Shower before.
I can say it went just like clock work. I served 3 different pinwheel sammy snacks, veggie tray, a cheese ball & 3 kinds of crackers and I had a Chocolate fountain with strawberries, marshmallows, rice crispy treats, and mini cream puffs. Gosh, everything was so yummy! I didn't end up taking many leftovers home.... that's a good thing because none of us in my house needs to eat all those treats...LOL
I had shown the gifts that I had made for the winners of the games and the door prize, well everyone wanted them!!!! I guess they liked my creations. giggle...
I am working on the scrapbook for the Bride to be, when it is finished I will post for all to see.
Have a great day!!!! "GO RED WINGS"

2009-05-23T08:49:00.001-04:00

Shower Gift #2 "Dry Erase Board"

2009-05-23T08:40:00.000-04:00

This gift #2 of 3-4 gifts. I wanted something functional for 1 of the gifts. I was at Kohls the other day and they had a dry erase board that was so pretty. I looked it over and thought... I can make something close to it! I went to the Dollar Store, picked up a frame and a dry erase pen and came home to figure out what I was going to do with it. Everything on it is left overs from other projects. The paper in the middle & words are from the Notebook Collection from CTMH, I stamped an image on the corner of the mat frame (I used a 12 x 12 pc. of cream card stock, cut the size out of the middle that I wanted)added some ribbon and that's about it. I decided to go ahead and post the teachers gifts and another shower gift. The paper for the first teachers gift is all from SU, I used a stamp from SU. the inside is simply 6 clear envelopes. I secured it by putting 2 brads. The second one is an old CD case. I used paper I had left over from another project. I think the paper is from Creative Memories, but I am not sure. I added a flower from CTMH, Big Pinks and inked the edges and then added a little glitter to give some bling. Very easy to make. If anyone is interested in the directions for any of the projects I have been making, just let me know and I can get them for you. I have a few more things to make for the shower, when they are finished I will post them also. Good day to everyone!!!

2009-05-21T18:33:00.001-04:00

Shower gift # 1... 3 More To Go...

2009-05-21T18:26:00.000-04:00

Luis my 2nd son is getting married in June. For the shower I decided to make the gifts for the prize winners. This the 1st one that I have completed. I used paper from CTMH Promise of Spring Paper Pack. It was one of the past Heart of Winter Project Packs.I stamped a flower,added a little glitter, a pop dot,& some black ribbon... I also had to make the envelopes because the card ended up being a size that I couldn't find an envelope to fit it. These cards won't be able to go in mail, but they will be nice throw in a gift bag!

My DH

2009-05-18T10:14:00.000-04:00

This is a picture of me and my DH. It's his birthday today. I just wanted everyone to see this amazing man I am lucky enough to be married to. He is truely the love of my life!!! Happy Birthday Baby!!!!!

Marisa's 3rd Grade Fun Days

2009-05-18T09:35:00.001-04:00

2009-05-18T09:33:00.000-04:00

Hello everyone!!!

2009-05-17T19:08:00.000-04:00

Boy, sure has been a while.
I have come to the conclusion that I really am not a very faithful blogger. I have no reason why, I guess just busy doing other things, Physical Therapy, Pain Clinic, Dr. appointments... Really just haven't had much me time to sit down for alittle me time and fill everyone in on my scrapbooking. I am sad to say I am very behind!!!! I have always been prompt in getting events photographed, developed, cropped, and onto pages in a timely fashion... that is pretty much down the tubes for me! am hoping to get a little more time so that I can work on my sons wedding. I have it started and I will finish litlle more and I will share a few pages with you... I have 6 pages nearly finished... I posted a picture of myself and my hubby. The reason is I want everyone to know how amazing he is! We celebrated our 28th anniversary last week. I still get flutters when I am near him, so I just wanted to let everyone know that I am sorry but I HAVE the most amazing man that anyone could ever dream of being married to!!!!!!! So, with that said I am heading to the family room to watch a movie with my DH. Have a wonderful evening and I will be posting pages again soon!!!

April's Challenge Page

2009-05-05T08:51:00.000-04:00

Wow, it's really been a long time since I have posted. I have not felt like doing much of anything. However, I have decided to force myself to get up and start moving around a little more. So, the first place I wanted to go was into the scrapbooking room! I feel like the first time all over again! I never realized how much stuff I have inside these 4 walls. Boy, if my husband had any idea he would ... well I don't even want to think about that right now! I finished my Apirl "All About Me Challenge" page before I started having all of this trouble with my back, just never got it posted.So here it is. I am not really very excited with it. To me it seems very choppy. But, since I refuse to tear a page apart it is just going to have to do. The topic was 5 thing I can not live without. It couldn't be a person or an animal. The challenge was easy, but I didn't like the way the page turned out. Oh well, I don't have to be in love with every page that I design, right... LOL

May's challenge is done with a partner. I am doing it with a lady from the Jacksonville, Fl area. I did an interview with her and am waiting for her picture to come and I will be off and running. I think it will be fun!

Well, I must get moving or I will have wasted my entire day sitting here, which would be easy to do... but it is a pretty nice day and I think it's a great day to go outside and get some fresh air!!! Also I can't wait to look at all of my flowers and blooms that are up since all the rain that we got last week. So,until next time...

Boy, I feel like I have been gone forever...

2009-04-11T10:17:00.000-04:00

Well, I sure have had an interesting past few weeks. I have been having an affair with my heating pad and for all intense and purposes I have been cheating on it with pain killers. I have had lots of Dr. appointments, Physical Therapy, getting ready to see a Neuro Surgeon and trying to get into a pain clinic to have a few injections. Sounds like fun doesn't it... Well, I have a pretty bad back, several surgeries in the past and every once in a while I go through this. I don't really feel like scrap booking, can you believe I just said that! I have not stepped inside my scrap room in over a week. I have all these projects started and I don't feel up to going in and doing a thing. This makes me very sad because I so very much need to get a book done for my son! I wanted to give it to him for his birthday, but that won't be happening... his birthday is in 2 weeks and I barely have it started. I would like to go in and try to at least get some more page packs done so when I do feel better I can go with force. Wish me luck this next week... I go to the Surgeon on Thurs. Until then if I manage to get anything done I will post it.

It's All About Me

2009-03-31T08:59:00.001-04:00

"All About Me" Challenge...

2009-03-30T18:05:00.000-04:00

I recently joined a wonderful group of ladies from Jacksonville, Fl to do a Challenge. Each month a challenge is posted in the forum and the object is to create a page (or a 2 pg. L/O) about whatever the topic is for the month, and it has to be about yourself... using things that you have in your stash of goodies. I usually do not do pages about myself, so this has been a real "challenge". I guess that's why it's called a challenge... go figure. Anyhow, I have completed the last 3 months of the challenge, I started late so I had to catch up and I have now done that. Jan. is about your resolution for the upcoming year.It is the darker paper with the words resolution, family, friends, & work on it. Feb. is about something (or someone) that you love. It is the one with all of the pink on it. (I bet you can't tell what color I love most) March is about 25 things about me. This one posted above for some strange reason. I think this is a great thing to do, as I must make a point of getting the lost picture of myself out of the hard drive or off the dusty shelf (not really) and do something for just me. I am having fun reminding myself of times gone by. So, I am extending the same challenge to those of you who follow my blog or to those of you that just stop by. Feel free to post yours on my response posts. I am waiting for the new challenge to be posted. Have fun creating wonderful pages!!! Until next time

Up Early Today...

2009-03-27T08:38:00.001-04:00

Gosh, the house is so quiet this morning! My oldest son left to go back to South Carolina at 5:00 a.m. this beautiful Michigan morning. He's a great son! I found myself feeling very sad as I watched him pull out of the driveway and be on his way. I never realized until now just how much I miss him. He's always been here for me, not that he isn't still it's just that he's so far away now. I have, I think kept him under my wing for a little to long, but isn't that what we do??? Anyway, I am so very proud of him for going out into this big world and taking the chance at a life on his own! His wife and daughter will be joining him there when my grand-daughter gets out of school in June. I think then it will hit me like a ton of bricks that they have left... They live with my husband & I until they move and having them here is created so many memories that will be cherished in my heart forever. I am going to have to make some frequent trips to visit... I have some things to post later today. I joined a challenge from the Scrapbook Oasis, I am having a blast with it. My niece is involved with a wonderful group of ladies there. Anyway, I was poking around online one day and stumbled onto the website and decided to "take the challenge" "All About Me" is the name of this challenge. Each month there is a new topic to create a page (or 2) about yourself. I find this to be pretty cool as I don't normally do much involving myself. So, later today I am going to post Jan., Feb., & March's pages that I have completed. I encourage everyone to do a challenge like this, it's a great way to leave your legacy on who you are... Talk to you later!!! So, until then...

2009-03-17T11:05:00.000-04:00

OMG, today is a very lazy day... I am thinking that it would be a great day to create some beautiful pages. I have some pictures that have been laying on my work table for a while so I guess that it is time to get them onto a page or 2. I am also going to try to make a few cards. My stash is shrinking so I need to get moving and start... I will post some later... Have a great day!

Onsie Baby Cards...

2009-03-16T11:38:00.000-04:00

This is my attempt to making a onsie card. I still want to do some tweaking to it but this is what I came up with on my first trial. I saw many templates and there are some other ideas out there but this is what I have for my trials. As you know, I was making a card for my friend for her baby shower invitations ... well, it turned out really cute. It has an alligator on it. The alligator is a stamp from CTMH from last years stamp of the month. It's a really cute set. I wanted to post it but she has that one. So, I posted the 2 cards I made to have as a congrats card for a new baby... If anyone wants the template I would be glad to share it. I have much to do today so I need to get myself up and get going... until next time... Have a wonderful day!!!

My Family...

2009-03-09T14:53:00.000-04:00

I wanted to post a few family photos today. I must be feeling a little nostalgic or something. I was going through the files of my computer editing and getting pictures ready to send to my son in South Carolina and thought I'd put a few in a slide show. To my surprise I actually ended up with 2 slide shows. So take a look and enjoy my families past year of memories....

My Family Part 2

2009-03-09T14:50:00.001-04:00

My Family Part 1

2009-03-09T14:49:00.001-04:00

Things to think about...

2009-03-03T12:58:00.000-05:00

25 things you may not know about me.

1. I wish I would have realized what opportunities were avail. for me a long time ago.

2. I love my sons more than life itself. I would take my last breath for them!

3. I think my husband is the most giving man I have ever known, he would do anything to help anyone.

4. I do not regret the things I have done in the past, I learned so much from them, Great life lessons.

5. I cherish the ground my Grand-Daughter walks on, she is truly an amazing little girl.

6. I respect Gloria more than she even knows, I think she is an amazing person and a wonderful mother.

7. I always second guess myself, I wish I really had the self confidence that everyone thinks I have.

8. I get my feelings hurt way to easy, I don't really care if someone likes me I just don't like being disrespected.

9. I wish I could help those in need more.

10. I aways wanted to be a healer, maybe like a medical missionary person. But actually here in the USA instead of in another country.

11. I miss my Mom EVERY single day. Not a day goes by that I don't get a lump in my throat thinking of her. She was my best friend!

12. I wish I were a better mother, I think I am just okay at the least.

13. I think that there are way to many fake people in the world (and around me).

14. I wish I could see my son . He doesn't come around much... I am hurt by this... I do not understand why...

15. I think Titan & Jasmin are the coolest dogs ever. They are like love birds, always together. They are Pit Bulls and they are the most loving dogs I have ever had.

16. I went to school to be a Graphic Designer, I didn't finish because I decided to be a Surgical Tech. Big difference in career choices don't you think.

17. I have traveled all over the world. I still have places I want to see.

18. I used to be a pretty good skier. Back in the day.

19. I lived in California for a year while going to school to be a Graphic Designer.

20. I want to retire and buy a new truck & 5Th wheel and travel around the US. There is so much to see here in this country.

21. I aways thought that life was easy, boy did I get that wrong!!!

There's always something waiting to challenge you everyday.

22. I think I give more than I get back. That's okay because I think that's the way life is.

23. I absolutely LOVE pink.

24. I use scrap booking as a release of stress, plus it is a great hobby being able to preserve life's memories.

25. I despise the fact that I have no control over certain other peoples actions when my family is being treated so badly. I am hurt by those things. I want harmony for them and we certainly don't have that right now. I hope it is resolved soon!!!

Here's the album...

2009-02-27T08:56:00.000-05:00

Yesterday afternoon I finally made my way into my scrapbooking room. I made this quick little 7 x 7 album. I used all scraps of paper and embellies that I have had laying around. I used an album from Creative Memories, it's the little plastic one. (I think I had won it from a crop long ago) I did this in just a few hours. I wanted my Grand-Daughter to have something she could show her friends and teachers. I hope you all enjoy looking at it. Have a great week end. I have to work so I won't be back until Mon. :)

The Big Move

2009-02-27T08:49:00.001-05:00

Wow, I figured everything out!!!

2009-02-26T10:36:00.000-05:00

After many tries and many disappointments I finally got this Blog done. I had the hardest time but, I finally got it. Computer smart... not so much. I had someone tell me what to do but it didn't make sense to me so... I just kept trying and here it is. I love the music and I hope that all of you will enjoy listening to it while looking at my blog. I am going to be scrapbooking all day today and I will post whatever I get done later. I have the book on Nick & Gloria's new home nearly finished and will get it posted soon. You know I hadn't realized how much more work a 7 X 7 album is. I much rather do the 12 X 12 anyday. It is going to be a great day!!!
Also it is my oldest sons birthday, he is 28 years young today . . . I can not believe it, time has passed so very fast. Seems just yesterday he was a little baby and I was holding him tight. Where does time go... He's now living in South Carolina so I can only tell him (not give him a hug) and wish him a Happy Birthday...

OMG, I finally got the slide show to work!!!

2009-02-24T16:48:00.000-05:00

How exciting... I never thought that I'd get the slide show to work. Well, here it is. Next is the music... :)
This is an acrylic album from CTMH. The paper I used is also from CTMH, It' a Guy Thing Level 2 paper pack, I used ribbons that are in my stash (mostly CTMH),The rub on's are from SU & CTMH. I have a few other embellishments that I have had for a long time, I am not sure where they came from.
This is one of my favorites that I have made. Total cost of what I have into mine is around $75.00. You can easily do it for less, but I personally like more stuff on my pages.
So, enjoy this and I will post more later in the week as I have to work at my real job :) tomorrow.

Summer Vacation "2008"

2009-02-24T16:46:00.001-05:00

3rd Grade Spring Program

2009-02-23T18:54:00.000-05:00

I must say that time passes by so fast.
I just came from my Grand-Daughters school program. It was so cute. Some of the children really seemed to get into the part they were playing / singing. I really got a kick out of them.
As I sat there watching I thought back to what seemed like yesterday to when my children had school programs. I treasured those days and I was proud as I watched them perform with their classmates. I can still remember each of them as they would shyly go onto the stage and after getting there they would become comfortable enough to do the programs.
As I watched her go onto the stage and perform I felt the same sense of pride as I had felt so many times before.
I will post the pages as I finish them.
I will be back to post again later in the week. Until then ... give your children many hugs and kisses as they will be grown before you know it.

Thinking about the future...

2009-02-23T09:40:00.000-05:00

Well, after 15 hours one way going to my sons new home in Williamston, S.C. And working the week end I am finally going to get some scrapbooking done. I had thought that I would do up a few page kits to work on in the car, however I was very busy before we left so I never got any put together.
I am going to work on the "New Home" pages later today. I took lots of pictures of the new home and the surrounding areas, I was a little worried about them moving so far from home, but I think it will be okay. They have lived with us for a while now and I have gotten very used to having my Grand-Daughter around. She is my little sidekick. I will post my pictures of the pages when they are finished. Have a great day and I will be back later...

2009-02-13T10:35:00.000-05:00

Our Day At Michigan Adventure...

This is the first page and second of a 2 page lay-out. I used everything from Close To My Heart. The paper is from the Notebook Level 2 paper pack, alphabet is the color ready,( I personally love theses. they are self adhesive and ready to be inked) the numbers are the chipboard dimensional elements and I used buttons. The pictures are from our day at Michigan Adventures.

My thoughts for the day...

2009-02-13T09:38:00.000-05:00

There comes a time in life when you have to let go of all the pointless drama & the people who create it & surround yourself with people who make you laugh so hard that you forget the bad & focus solely on the good. After all life's too short to be anything but happy!!!

Happy Valentines Day...

2009-02-13T09:16:00.000-05:00

Today I am trying to get the rest of my blog finished. I can not believe how hard this is for me. I have never been a computer smarty... I just take baby steps and call it good. So, for today I am just going to work some more and try to get more done on it. I still am trying to get the slide show going that could actually drive me crazy. So wish me luck. I will also be posting some of my pages as soon as I can figure out how to get them uploaded.
Have a great week end and a very Happy Valentines Day!!!

No Slideshow Yet....

2009-01-20T09:24:00.000-05:00

I am so disappointed... I tried all night last night to get the slide show on my blog and it wouldn't go. I tried everything I could think of and still it wouldn't load. I am going to try again later and see if I can get it to appear. I am off to do some house duties. I would much rather play in my scrapbooking room, but I guess it will be there when I finish with everything else. Have a great day!!

Sitting here trying to figure out how to set out my blog...

2009-01-19T12:27:00.001-05:00

Well, I am trying to get my blog to look all fancy smacy like many others I frequent and I have to say.....GRRRRR...UGHHHH...I am having the worst time.
My conclusion is that I am a computer delinquent. Just when I think that maybe just maybe I am actually getting it... Well, I realize I sure don't have it and I have to try again.
I am one of the ones that learn by doing it & doing it, over and over until I stumble onto something that works.
So... thanks for all of the encouragement & patience while I get this blog setup ... :*)

Monday, a day to recover...

2009-01-19T11:11:00.000-05:00

My plans for today are to just relax and try to catch up on some of my much needed scrapbooking.

I have many page kits put together and they are waiting for me to take the time to put them together.

I also have some pages that need to be put into their albums. You know I can never get them into the books. I work and work on the pages of life and for some strange reason I put them on the shelf and there they sit. I am actually embarased to tell you how many are there waiting to be laid to rest in their final resing place... "The Scrapbook".

Maybe that should be the tac